I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
