I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
