Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
