I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
