They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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