Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
