just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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