Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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