Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Randomize
