would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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