Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
