I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
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I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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