i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
