Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
