Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
