Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He better not be in your backpack
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
