Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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