Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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