I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize