i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
sarcasm needs its own font
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
