I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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