Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
