How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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