You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
