It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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