My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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