i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
