Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't deserve a penis
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
