ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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