I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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