he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
