If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
