I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
jump out the window naked night went bad
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