Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
