we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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