She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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