I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
