woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
