My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Also, beer. Big fan.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
