You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize