Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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