Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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