And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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