I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
