That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
