You made me cry and you don't even care
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
