I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
