Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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