oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
