don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
