dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i want to swaddle you in tequila
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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