The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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