What a fucking waste of an outfit
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
