I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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