he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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