My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
