Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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