Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
