Im at strip club and am horny
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize