he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
and you fell through a lawn chair
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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