you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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