I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
