if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
