"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
