I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
