Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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