Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize