I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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