Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
