believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize