Cold hands, warm shart.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
