Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
