it hurts more in the daytime
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
